I can't believe what I've become. How can I be so damn stupid. If I could die right now, I would. I've always told myself that I wouldn't be that kind of guy. What the fuck am I doing? Fuck. I need Amy so bad now it hurts. I need her. Without her, I am a worthless piece of shit. I miss her so much, then I go do stupid shit. I need major help. I need every kind of help.

I have become the worst version of myself.

This fuckin' sucks. All I want to do right now is talk to Amy. That is all I want to do. Fuck Cancun. Fuck my mother. Fuck everything else. Right now, she's the only thing I've got. I need to get back to Bloomsburg. I don't know how much more of this shit I can take. Fuck.

Down here in Cancun I've kind of turned into a wild child. Lots of drinking and smoking. On some level, I'm kind of ashamed of it. If Amy knew, she would probably cry. Thinking about that makes me feel like a piece of shit. Then again, it is fun, being a little naughty. I've missed out on all that, so I'm catching up this week. Even so, I'm not fucking around on Amy. I haven't even kissed another girl. I still miss her. I miss her a lot. This trip will strengthen us. I lover her now more than ever. I need her. She is everything to me. I seriously want to marry this girl. I love here more than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life. It can work, too. Look at my mom-mom and pop, he was 16 and she was 18. I know it with her. I know she's the one.

I'm in Philly right now. We're all staying here overnight before our flight tomorrow morning. Saying good-bye to Amy today was really hard, easily the hardest thing I've had to to in a long time. We had a deep, meaningful conversation tonight. I've discovered that I am in love with her to the nth degree. Recently, I have had thoughts of us in the future. I want to be with her for a long time to come. The great thing is that she feels the same way. I'm on cloud nine.

She has a problem with me taking her out. Whenever I buy something for her, she gets uneasy. Twice this has caused major problems between us, the latest time being last night. We were going to go somewhere, probably out to eat, perhaps to the movies. She didn't want to, and when I asked he why, she became really evasive. I didn't get mad because she didn't want to go out, I got mad because she wouldn't tell me why. The guy she was going out with for awhile didn't pay for anything. To put it simply, he was trash and treated her like dirt. The thing is though, she hasn't gone out with him since February. I don't want the terms of my relationship with her to be set by what he did. It really pisses me off that that is the case. Amy isn't too strong emotionally. I don't know how to deal with that. I don't really know if I can. I guess I'm going to have to learn how to.

So it turns out that Amy was the "one." It was official between us the Wednesday after my last entry. I went over to her house to watch Garden State with her, and after the movie was over, we kissed. It felt like the right thing to do, and apparently, it was. The Monday and Tuesday we talked for about three hours each night on the phone. Since then its been a whirlwind romance. I cannot deny the fact that I love this girl. She is the best thing to ever have happened to me. She is really nice, talented, personable, and beautiful. Amy is amazing. I truely consider myself the luckiest guy on the planet. Ladies and gentlemen, I am madly in love with Amy.